The self-help and magazine industries thrive on the confused communications between the sexes. Both men and women huddle with their same-sex friends, bemoaning and advising one another on how the other sex really thinks, feels and wants.

Cosmo advises women on their relationships; Maxim advises men on theirs. I wonder if men would understand women better by reading their magazines. Yet I shudder to think of the impression women get when they look at a typical men's magazine.

They don't have to turn a page to peak into the dark recesses of the male mind; the cover says it all.

Though your relationships with the opposite sex affect your happiness and sanity, there's another relationship you might need to work on - one that can have an even greater impact on your present and future health.

It's your relationship with your doctor, and talking with your friends and reading magazines may not help you understand doctors any better.

The magazines in a medical office can give you some limited clues. I remember seeing a lot of dog and boating magazines in one specialist's waiting room.

But to really get into the mindspace of a physician, you have to be one, live with one or - easier yet - read my next series of articles.

Communication, of course, is the central issue in the patient-doctor relationship.

It goes both ways. Physicians have to listen and understand your concerns; you need to understand what they are talking about.

Effective communication can be short-circuited by inadequate listening, the tendency of physicians to interrupt you before you've finished telling your story, and our confusing use of medical jargon.

Clarity of communication is one thing, but just as important is the dialogue. Without a collaborative approach, even if you're lucky enough to fully understand what your doctor told you, you may leave the office with orders you don't intend to follow.

In this series of articles, we'll cover the obstacles to effective communication with your doctor.

First, we'll take you into the mind of the doctor. You'll understand how medical school transforms normal people into jargon-spouting, goal-directed clinicians; how we are trained to dissociate our feelings; how we apply a scientific approach to your problems.

You'll learn about the patterns of thinking that physicians tend to fall into.

We can allow the pressure of our schedules to limit our listening and jump to a diagnosis. We tend to fall into stereotypical patterns of speaking and thinking.

We tend to come up with the most common diagnosis rather than a rarer more serious condition. We can narrow the list of possible diagnoses too early, and we can misdiagnosis you as noncompliant just because you didn't understand our instructions or didn't agree with them.

You'll get an intimate look into the emotional life of doctors: how we relate to one another; how we sacrifice life balance for our work; how we tend towards perfectionism; how we deal with stress; and how patients affect us. All this impacts on how present your doctor is with you and how you communicate.

Along the way, you'll learn practical tips on getting the most out of your doctor's visit, including how to agree on an agenda and treatment plan, how you can get doctors to listen better, and how some key questions can prompt doctors to put more thought into your problems.

Dr. Davidicus Wong is a family physician. His Healthwise column appears regularly in this paper, and his Internet radio show can be heard on www.pwrnradio.com.